Doubt

In an earlier blog, "While I Wait", I wrote about waiting, patiently or not, for my dream to be realized and to rejoice, pray, and give thanks; while I stand in anticipation for the next step to illuminate.

After I completed my website, I turned to God and asked, "Now what?" He answered, but when I looked at the task, irrational fear and doubt overcame me.

He did not ask me to deliver a TED talk to thousands of people. He simply challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and reach out to churches in my area about speaking opportunities.

My response? "Why would they want me?" I am not an authority on child-rearing or marriage, I have not climbed mountains or been on missionary trips, I'm just little-old-me.

When I have these moments, I am reminded I am an authority on something, my life. God has given me a story. One that is unique in all ways because it's mine. I am willing to share my heartache, my failings, and the times when God picked me up, brushed me off, and whispered, "Go". Sometimes I wobbled and am unsure, but I go.

Do I still fear and doubt? Yes, because the future is unknown. But I depend on God and count on the same promise He gave Jeremiah. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Doubt will always be a part of my life, but it will never stop me. So I take the next step. I write the emails, pray, hold my breath, and push send.