Ever since I can remember, I've had a craving. When I was young, my desire was temporarily satiated by food, whether that was seconds at dinner or a sleeve of Oreo cookies while watching TV. As a teenager and young adult, I began to drink alcohol and didn't know when enough was enough. I disliked myself during those years and wished that I could unzip my skin and throw it in the trash. I grew up going to church and had heard God loved everyone, but I thought I was too broken for God to love me.
This cycle continued into my marriage and the addition of our two beautiful kids. I was unwell in body and spirit, and the fallout of past trauma as a child bled into all of my relationships. For years, I hid my secret and threw myself into ministry and bible studies. I figured that the more I learned about God, and if I gave him all I had, he would love me and restore my health. By the time my two children entered middle school, I had burned myself out and had nothing more to give my community. I thought I needed a reset and prayed for a tropical vacation. A week after my prayer, I discovered that I was pregnant. Four months into my pregnancy, some complications went undiagnosed for a week, in which the pain was so severe that I could not eat or drink, and I lost 40 pounds. After days of praying for an answer, I realized food and alcohol had stopped being my coping mechanism and had become my first love. It was at that moment that I wanted to change.
The real work began after I gave birth to Aubree. God peeled back the layers to the true reason I crave. I learned through reading, counseling, and my training with Revelation Wellness that some people have an inclination toward food and alcohol, and when they suffer trauma, this becomes their coping mechanism. Shame and guilt lessened when I realized I was using the only tools I had as a child and that these tools had served me well throughout my adult years as well. Through my training with *Revelation Wellness, counseling, and *Soul Care School I learned new tools. My journey is far from over, but I hope to support other women on their journeys toward health and healing through this website, my podcast, and the classes that I lead.