Hope Deferred Makes The Heart Sick

I don't like declaring a yearly New Year's Resolution because I resist change. As each new year came and went, I knew God was gently guiding me to a life of sobriety, but I stomped my feet and threw a tantrum every time he asked me to make this change in my life. But I can honestly say that in the year 2023, I stopped drinking.

As I look back and examine the difference between the two lifestyle choices, I now understand that I drank alcohol because I was tired and hoped that a drink or two at the end of a crazy, busy day would bring me peace and joy and would help me to wind down and celebrate the busyness. All day, I'd go without taking a break and frequently think about how I looked forward to sitting down to that beverage. I was burned out, exhausted, irritable, and lacked motivation, and even though I took care of my physical wellness and led others toward the hope of wholeness through the classes I taught, I lacked hope for myself. When I drank, I was neglecting my physical health and was living life like a woman without God's care and hope. I hoped for something more than a drink could offer. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I knew I needed to be a tree of life planted and rooted in living water, but it took me a while to realize it.

God gives us longings on purpose as an antidote to burnout, but that antidote is not necessarily food or drink. God planted dreams, ideas, and creativity within us so that we can do things that we delight in. Since my journey toward sobriety, I remembered that I enjoy crafting and painting; I started to cross stitch while drinking a mug of peppermint tea, I hand-knit a blanket that lays at the foot of my bed, I bought a grey Betta fish who Aubree creatively named Tuna, who is swimming in his tank and staring at my fingers while I type. Instead of hoping for a drink at the end of my day, I look forward to sitting with Aubree after school to hear about her day. My hope is no longer deferred, and I am no longer heartsick. 

"Hope permits us to do things differently and to believe that God will be faithful." Bonnie Grey -Breathe