Ever since I can remember, I've always had a craving. When I was young, my desire was temporarily satiated by food whether that was seconds at dinner or a sleeve of Oreo cookies while watching TV. As a teenager and young adult, I added alcohol to my binging repertiore. I hated myself after every binge and wished that I could unzip my skin and throw it in the trash. I grew up knowing that God's love was for everyone, but I didn't think He could possibly love me. I was ashamed.

 

 This cycle continued into my happy marriage and the addition of our two beautiful kids. My body was sick, and my thoughts were unhealthy. But surely it wasn't anything a tropical vacation wouldn't fix! A week after my prayer for that vacation, I discovered that I was pregnant. Four months into my pregnancy, there were complications that went undiagnosed for a week in which the pain was so severe that I could not eat or drink and I lost 40 pounds. After days of praying for an answer, I realized food and alcohol had stopped being my coping mechanism and had become my first love. It was at that moment that I wanted to change.

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I can't say that I don't crave because I still do, and change has been slow. The real work began after I gave birth to Aubree.  God peeled back the layers to the true reason I crave. I learned through reading and counseling that some people have a more profound inclination toward food and alcohol addiction, that I suffered from PTSD from past abuse and that my brain is wired differently because of this. These answers released me of guilt and I realized God loves me so that I can love myself. My journey is far from over, but  I hope to support other women on their journeys toward health and healing through this website, my podcast, and the classes that I lead.

 

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